Exclusive Interview

Larry Craig, Senator for the state of Idaho (and I da pimp), sat down with me recently to discuss the controversy surrounding him and GOP policies. 

Alternate Realities (AR):  So senator, are you gay?

Larry Craig (LC):  No, I am not gay.  I have a wife and kids.  Do gay people have wives and kids? No!

AR:  How do you explain what took place in the restroom and with that one guy and the several other people that have come forward to mention your tendencies in that direction?

LC:  Come on, I am a guy.  We want to get lucky.  If we are horny or drunk enough, we don't care who.  Just because someone smokes when they are drinking, we don't call that person a smoker.

AR:  So you were drunk then senator, when this happened?

LC:  I didn't say that.

AR:  Given your recent experiences and the experiences of some of your "conservative" bed fellows, how does the right justify their ban on gay marriage.

LC:  You have to realize that we can only get elected if we represent conservative values.  We are rich and immoral, so of course that isn't going to happen. We learn early on to hide our true selves completely and to become exactly what the poles say we should become.  The conservatives were under represented and I made myself represent them.  This has been happening for years.  The ban on gay marriage is too fold.  You see, we false conservatives have to live our true lives in the closet.  We can still do what we want, but we have to be covert.  For most of us that is just taking bribes, sniffing coke, and abandoning our military service, but to a few it means homosexual sex.  Bathroom encounters at the park, airport, and rest stops are the only way that we could have intimate anonymous encounters.  Gay marriage, and to a larger extent the acceptance of the gay life style, has made these encounters harder to find. 

AR:  So you want to ban gay marriage to increase bathroom encounters.

LC:  I didn't say that, I am not gay. 

AR:  Are the reports of the glory holes in the bathroom stalls on capital hill true?

LC:  No!  Everytime we get a good size whole started, they patch it up. . . I mean. . . I am not gay.

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8 Responses to “Exclusive Interview”

  1. I'd heard this guy had gotten busted, but only this morning did I actually hear the account of what happened — good grief. Rich and immoral — maybe amoral, if you're feeling charitable — is right.
    I hope to never have to interviewed by AR.

  2. What he is saying is pretty true for all of Idaho. Which is very, very sad. If you're gay here, it's safer for you to deny it and act like everyone else (the conservative majority, mostly Mormons). Hell, if you're different it's safer to just pretend you're something you aren't. The '208' (Idahoan slang for the state. We're the fifth largest state and yet have only one area code and more cows than people living in the state) is still stuck in the 1950's and it doesn't look like it's going to change soon. I've been here my entire life and we just recently got rid of the Aryan Nations and started seeing minorities for the first time (another sad truth). One step at a time for Idaho it looks like… all the more reason to move after I graduate. It's the only sane choice for a democrat in this republican state.

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