My Conspiracy Theories

1.  China is facing an imbalance in male/female ratios.  In about 10 years there is going to be a war for women.  The article says that for every 100 girls born there are 120 boys born.  Now multiply that by a billion people in China.  Yeah that is a lot of men with no prospect for a wife at all, let alone one that they find physically/mentally/emotionally attractive. 

2.  I like to call this my Crowded Room Theory.  Take a room of any size and start inserting people into it.  At some point the room will become noticably warmer with every person shoved in.  Now imagine that the earth is a room and we have over 6 billion people in it.  that is compared to  just under 2 billion in 1900.  We more than tripled how crowded the room was in about 100 years.  Could body heat be the culprit behind global warming.  

3.  Milk bottlers put a chemical in the milt to make it go sour after a few days to ensure that people are constantly buying their product.  The government lets this happen because the states get sales tax on every sale. 

Yes, they are a little cooky, but so am I.

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39 Responses to “My Conspiracy Theories”

  1. 100 girls to 120 boys? those are MY kinda odds! woohoo! heh. 😛

  2. thanks for making me laugh, Budd.

  3. When reading all of this, I though, "Yep. Sounds about right." Which I guess makes me some sort of co-conspirator or something.

  4. my goal is cereal out of the nose.

  5. this made me laugh. well done!also you made the [culture is good] page!

  6. Congrats on the culture page! That's how I found you because I love to hear conspiracy theories and possible kookiness.
    As for milk, keep it sealed, keep it cold. You can buy the super-ultra-pasteurized stuff that has a shelflife of seemingly forever. I've heard cardboard cartons are better than plastic, too.
    I grew up on a dairy farm with non-pasteurized, non-homogenized milk. We had to go down to the barn to get it straight from the tank every morning and it had a fridge-life of a day and a half, max. But we drank it fast enough it wasn't an issue.
    To this day, I still shake the milk jug before I pour, to mix the cream back in and all. As if my skim milk had any milk solids left in it anyway.

  7. These are great (and plausible)… Look at organic and soy milk… they last a LOT longer than your typical milk. hmmmm….

  8. Keep in mind soy milk isn't the same as dairy milk. It's made from plants. Completely different chemical composition. I don't know much about soy milk, but I've heard margarine can sit out forever without changing. It's one or two steps removed from plastic. Maybe that's another conspiracy theory Budd can explore! (Because I'm too lazy to check it out myself…)
    Organic dairy milk should still be processed the same, so I'm not sure the shelf life. I can usually get a week out of a gallon jug before it goes bad. But that's skim milk, which has almost nothing in it that goes bad (like butterfat).

  9. I've been buying organic for about 6 months now and it lasts me up to two weeks… and it tastes better in my opinion.
    Soy milk is kinda gross, but okay if your desperate for coffee creamer or something to wet the cereal.

  10. Thanks for the tip on organic! I'll have to pick it up when I see it next time at the store.
    Totally agree with you re: soy milk.

  11. Here's my observation living in a full blend of a multicultural society.Most Chinese men will prefer to find a Chinese woman for a companion, but most women are more open minded in what they look for. [note; I sid most in both references, not all]I have more observations….but tell me, have you noticed this as well?

  12. ah, but where are all the Chinese girls getting adopted to. I think if all there were were non Chinese women left, they would make the sacrafice.

  13. I have seen my cousin take a glass out and drink straight from the utter. I wouldn't really recommend this. I drink 1%. This makes me wonder what the other 99% is.

  14. Soy milk is going to go through the roof with people trying to get ethanol from soy beans.

  15. Hey, thanks! Not sure about culture is good fitting. That would be more of my Yogurt conspiracy theory.

  16. Great minds think alike.

  17. Yes, but it hasn't yet come to that, and people tend to be stubbornI think Italy has got the same problem…
    I have not a clue as why Italy has that problem [the last i checked for their ratio, it was 3:4].Check this out> http://www.worldometers.info/

  18. Awesome. But the milk conspiracy isn't controlled by the dairy farmers, it's controlled by Big Oil. The only reason milk spoils, ever, is to keep us driving back and forth to the grocery store.Use of faulty logic to 'prove' point: Ever see a refrigerated cow? I didn't think so. Q.E.D.

  19. Good theory on the more people = more body heat but it also works as more people = more resources used and therefore more greenhouse gases and less natural resources. Also couldn't Chinese men emigrate?Not too sure about the milk but it is always nice to have a fresh cup.

  20. Milk spoils quickly because the govt makes them pasteurize and homogenize it. When milk is left raw, it lasts nearly a month because all of the good bacteria that keeps it fresh isn't killed off. Even then, when it starts to sour, it is still very drinkable, and the flavor is just changed. It just sours, but doesn't rot. So yeah, it is a government conspiracy. Around where I live, occasionally there will be big govt busts of Amish farmers selling raw milk. So stupid. Raw milk is super good for you too- the milk they sell now is just liquid sugar. Obesity in children? Caused by govt mandated cooked milk. There is my kooky theory.

  21. Sadly, I highly doubt that they're adopting out their baby girls. It's more likely that they're aborting them or killing them at birth.

  22. We've gone organic on a lot of our dairy 'cause I don't want the extra hormones. No thank you! But it's 6 bucks a gallon in the San Francisco Bay Area, as opposed to $3 a gallon for the souped up version 😦 I pay it anyway.

  23. Totally agree… with a 6 year old daughter and 4 year old son… I'd really like them to stay non-reproducing children as long as possible. The hormones in everything truly frightens me. We have gone organic on everything we can, I really don't care about price, as it's worth it to me.

  24. LOL! Yeah, that's a pretty kooky theory. One with no scientific basis to back it up. I grew up drinking raw milk and no, it doesn't last long. There are too many things in it you don't want to know about that will make you sick. Because we had it every day, we had a tolerance to the bad bacteria. People want to believe going raw is better, but there's a reason for pasteurization. It's to reduce incidents of illness from the quick-growing bad stuff.
    The Amish are selling it to individuals because people want it and they're going where the market is, not because they are offering a better product. Hey, if people will pay, why not? Free market economy and all that jazz.
    I do prefer the taste of it to the processed milk, but that's because raw milk still has the fats in it. Or to be precise, the milk solids. I won't drink raw right now because I've been away from it too long.
    As for the percentage – it's how much of the milk is fat content. So 1% is the fat content. Different breeds of dairy cows have different milk solids output – Jerseys – high in butterfat, Swiss – high in protein, Holsteins – low in solids but high volume. But now I'm showing my cow-nerdliness…
    Milk is a simple food and because it's such a staple in most diets, it lends itself to a lot of conspiracy theories. Also, as more people go urban and only have contact with their food at the store, they become more suspicious as to where that food comes from – if they even give it a thought.
    As more consumers make an effort to understand the source and make choices with that information, then we'll see changes in food production.

  25. I think you might be right on the global warming comment…that brought tons of funny scenarios immediately to my thoughts. Very funny one you are…

  26. I understand that milk sugars aren't digestible to anyone who isn't a baby/toddler. We lose the ability to process them. Hence I say chuck them in everything!

  27. I'll be worried when milk doesn't go bad. 🙂

    Totally agree with the global warming theory though….. now what? lol

  28. I read that! IT started when the one child policy kicked in. Most wanted sons to carry on their family name, earn money, and etc.. Good thing thats getting better now, slowly, but the country's men women ratio is still unbalanced…

  29. I have been boning up on raw milk lately and the junk I read said raw milk goes bad when the dairy isn't very clean- if the dairy is spotless, then you don't have these bad bacterial problems. But what do I know? Prolly we should bow down to your superior cow-nerdiness.;)

  30. I have a conspiracy theory. The car manufacturers are in cahoots with the car seat manufacturers. They may be one and the same. I don't quite believe that car seats have to be as bulky as they are and still be safe. We have 3 children, and it's near impossible to get that many car seats into the back of a 4 door car. SUVs? No different. They're too narrow for 3 car seats, and children are in booster seats until they're 6 (in CA).

  31. Haha! They all make perfect sense. I think you're onto something.

  32. Clean clothes. There's no such thing. Look at the chemical composition of your washing detergent. Greebies everywhere. As your skin breathes it casts off moisture but that also lets in other chemicals. Poor countries don't use much detergent. They remain thin and they're getting smarter. Developed countries use more and we're getting fatter and dumber. George W Bush and Michael Moore use a lot of detergent. Are we all blind? Have we already lost higher critical thinking skills?Laundry detergent; the scourge of humankind. We're melting from the inside. Many people smell like they're already in a state of advanced decay. Going naked is visual pollution and only the quantity surveyors with the strongest stomachs are in favour of it. That explains why nudist colonies are full of chubby and … erm … naked people. It's a QS and soap industries power-sharing plot. We're doomed. DOOMED, I tell you! Soap manufacturers and quantity surveyors are battling to take over the world and we're trapped between these evil entities.

  33. Bud, you are way out on a limb with your comments. I recently traveled for three months in India and Egypt. Most of the natives smell like decaying flesh. There are very few healthy people past age 40. They suffer from parasite infestations,and many different forms of skin disease. They probably wish they had soap to wash their clothes in. Soap is the first defense we have against germs. When I was traveling, I made a gift of a bar of Ivory soap to a native family, they were so greatful for the gift.
    Soap does not make you fat. Take a bite. You will develop diarrhea and emesis. Fast food, too much sugar and bleached flour makes us fat.
    I hope you will get the chance to travel in some third world countries. I think you will come away greatful for soap, and all the other priviliges of living in this great country.
    Yours in friendship, Eleanor

  34. Sounds like you've checked out your raw milk source. To sell Grade A milk, there are stringent sanitary requirements. We would get people at the state fair asking for milk straight out of the can. Gross! That milk was in a not-terribly controlled environment and wasn't guaranteed safe for human consumption.
    I still wouldn't recommend it, but stay on top of your source's production, transport and sanitation steps. Family and small dairies are in the biz because they love it and understand the public responsibility they have.
    Plus, they love cows and work hard to make sure they are happy and healthy.

  35. The reason milk spoils so quickly is that it's only pasteurized, not irradiated. They tried to irradiate it, but people are stupid so they thought that meant it was radioactive. If they did, it would last practically forever so long as you didn't open it.Organic milk is irradiated (they dun tell you that on the box) because it has to sit on the shelf longer to be profitable. That's why it lasts longer.

  36. Hi Eleanor, thanks for pontificating. My 'theory' was a joke; obvious, I thought. I doubt there are enough quantity surveyors to really take over the world. Maybe you've been infected with the 'humourless serum' developed by soap manufacturers.I lived in China for 6 years, India for 15 months, Malaysia for 8 months, East Timor for 8 months, Zimbabwe for a year, Afghanistan for 6 months and Iraq for 7 months but your three month holiday beats my experience hands-down. Thank God for instant experts! I enjoy the privileges of living in this great country of Australia. We're allowed to have a sense of humour.Here's my next conspiracy theory. You're part of the global cabal who want us all arrested for running around naked under our clothes. 🙂

  37. I'm a psychiatrist. No sense of humor whatsoever. Have practiced in Australia. Have practiced in Thialand, Viet Nam and Nigeria. Lived there ,loved it. Missed soap, missed toilet tissue. Thanks for letting me have some weird fun at your expense, liked your response. From: Eleanor

  38. No Big Brother or other organization same him in third Millennium !

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